Apocalypse.

One sunny day I was in daddy's car and he said
Girl, this is one real nice song
Then the beat got stuck inside my head
And I turned it into my own.

I started thinking about life as it is
And I thought we're living an apocalypse.

We live in apocalypse
A grave mistake.
We live by apocalypse
A great mistake.

Sometimes people can try too hard to be
someone who really understands
Uncle Lennon once said through a screen
The more you see the more you don't understand.

We live in apocalypse
A grave mistake.
We live by apocalypse
A great mistake.

Some would say love's just a bonus point in life
It won't define us by who we are
Stand alone and stand from afar and see
Those who share hearts have a bigger heart.

Bigger hearts someday can be split apart
And scatter into broken parts
It's all impermanent the pain the love the pressure
Those broken before will have stronger hearts.

We live in apocalypse
A grave mistake.
We live by apocalypse
A great mistake.

We fight for peace and fight for war
We fight for nearly everything
If fighting's for peace and the end of fighting's peace
What do we really understand?

I can be a man an animal or a woman or tree
And I would still be me
I can be a man an animal or a woman or tree
And I would choose what to be.

We live in apocalypse
A grave mistake.
We live by apocalypse
A great mistake.

There's a God and they say He lives above
We just have to believe He stands
But I think that there's a God within all of us
We're all one and the same
All of us the same.

We try to be same to make ourselves matter
We start an apocalypse to make life harder
We try to be different to make ourselves matter
We start an apocalypse to make life better.

If there's no apocalypse
there won't be mistakes.
We live by apocalypse
The best mistake.

Collide.

It's been a very long time, Hae.

Trust me, I missed you too! A friend asked me why I stopped writing "experiences" and load you up with stories and songs instead. Now, don't belittle those tales of fiction, because really the way I see it is that fiction is real, but there is no real fiction. Every idea of a story ever written to you, is indeed as real as it can be, for it had happened or either happened to inspire me to want to write it down and remember it for being just THAT real.

So today's post will be "fiction that's real" again, gaining its inspiration from a song recommended by a very special someone... Hey dear.

*********************

GPA score of 3.8 minimum... Urgh, don't everyone hate Ivy League schools.

Callie deliberately shushed "The judge", which is technically the voice coming from inside of her head, and scrolled through webpages on separate tabs; browsing as many as she could at one go. On one page showed the brilliant orange emblem of Princeton Uni, contrasting that of the Navy blue tab right next to it that belonged to Yale. She's been at it all afternoon, sitting cross-legged by the fireplace where it was nice and warm to escape the dreary chill of Illinois's infamous winter havoc.

Then Berkeley would be an ideal school, at least I'll be getting an all year round of Californian sunshine. 

Callie gave a low sigh and thrust her pen to a side, suddenly feeling tired and fed up of looking at figures that only ranged between 3.5 to 4. She held her hands above her head only to find that she was being arrested by a young cop by the name of...

"Ash, let me go please,"
"Awwh, but Callie you don't spend so much of time with me as before..."
Four year old Ashton wrapped his arms around Callie and covered her eyes before whispering,
"I missed you, Callie,"

Callie could finally breathe at last. "Ash darling, I'll build another Lego zoo with you in a bit, okay?"
Ashton was satisfied but he stuck out a pinky just a case. Callie outstretched hers, and a deal was secured. The young child gave his older sister a dignified look with his rosy cheeks forming a small grin, then he waddled out of the room. Callie stared back at her screen.

For BioMed, what are my choices... Hmmm There's UCA San Diego, Californian dream destination guaranteed...

Then, her cell phone vibrated for a second worth of time, before going dim again.

Tsk... Another distraction, Callie?

Callie took a short glance at her phone screen, back to the computer's and glanced back at her phone again, after realising who it was.

Tyler: It's freezing outside, isn't it?
Tyler: "Image" Caption: Look at how beautiful my snow angel is!
Tyler: I thought it turned out to look a lot like you.

Gosh... You suck, Tyler. Now I want to go outside too.
But I've a future to plan. Not now...

Callie straighten her posture and tried so hard to focus onto her computer screen that her neck was becoming stiff. Soon, her eyes began to tear up from straining them over a long period of time...

I  really want to go outside.
Tsk.. Tsk... Someone's forgotten her priorities again.
Tyler's important too.
He's important for now... But have you thought of what's going to happen after that?

"Urgh!" Callie massaged her temples as she combed her hair to the sides of her head with her fingers. Reluctantly, she replied to the harsh voice in her head-

I don't know the answer to that myself, even.
In that case, aren't you supposed to find and discover yourself soon enough to be better prepared for what's coming?
But how do I know what the fuck is coming my way anyway?
It's better than having no plans at all. You silly girl.

Just then, Callie's phone vibrated once more.

Tyler: Callie, I've been meaning to tell you this for some time but I've been landed a job at a bar in Springfield, so I'll be making a long trip to perform gigs there with the band. :) The bar owner happened to be in the audience during our Winter fest show, and yes, we are very lucky to have met a chuck like him~ So that'd be our winter job I guess, haha! I'll be leaving next week though, gonna miss you so much. We'll be back home after the winter break.

Callie slammed her laptop shut.

I'm stopping for today, I've done enough.
No, Callie, you've got a few more websites to look through..
My darling's leaving for two months in a week's time!
But what lies ahead of you's important!
But what I have in front of me, right here and right now is important too. Without the people I have now, I'm only half the person I am and could ever grow to be.
Callie... You're beyond rescue.
And I... For one, am beyond pacing ahead of everyone else. I'm fucking going to see the world outside. Right NOW.

Callie reached out for her phone and yelled in the direction of where her adorable police brother Ash could be seen peeking innocently into the fireplace, "Officer Ashton, want to build life-sized snow animals with me?"
The young child was ecstatic, he ran up to grab his coat and scarf at top speed, with his voice ringing from above the stairs, "It's fun time with Callie at last~"

Then, alas, finally time to pour her heart out to her someone special.

Callie: I'll be coming dear. :) Wait for me.

******************************************

Bang,
CCM.

Space in my treasure box.

Hae, it's been a very long time since the last time I've wrote to you... with the reason being: Because I had to, but never bothered as much.

Well,I guess that right here and right now; I have to confide in you once more to remember these words that I have to say.

It's just that it's almost as if sometimes I give too much of myself away without realizing so, but I'm actually finding it harder to socialize and be around people these days. I feel like I've changed into this person who would see the dark side of someone before seeing the light, and this feeling struck me as something foreign, for I've always found it easier to trust and confide in people before in the past. This transition made me feel safer; more secure but at the same time, I felt like I've lost a lot more people than I should. Basically, it's a lonely world out there for those who choose to remain more "sheltered" and less exposed.

Like for one, I've just started my first semester of college and I'm living in the phrase of change once more; where I've just encountered around hundreds of new faces whom I will walk past and regard as a new part of my life. And as I type furiously and torture the keys of my new lappy (laptop), I suddenly think of my previous lappy and how much I've bled into those old keys as I wrote to you, Hae, about how much I knew when (Okay, here comes that line again)-

In a life stretched across seventeen years, I was the one who knew "everything", believed in possibly "anything" and desired too much. Looking back, I feel like I was stupid and smart at times. A few days back, I made a visit back to the place where I've underwent most drastic changes to become the better person I am today- Old school. As I walked past the gates and took in everything around me, the same dark corridors, familiar faces that roamed the school floors and smiled back, teachers who were once like a guardians or a mother towards me; I revisited my past and sank into its deepest abyss where I knew that everything that's happened at that very place, was worth it. Thanks to yesterday, I am what I am now, and have what I have. And I should feel blessed for that.

When I checked into this new place called college, I was lucky enough to already have "people" there. But perhaps because of that privilege, I've stopped searching for new people to expand my circle of social networking; or in other words, I just felt like I couldn't trust more than what I already do. Well... This is bad news, for really we're all so very young, and we should be roaming the wild lands like and seven seas to explore and seek what hidden behind.... Blah blah and etc. I don't even want to go down that path.

No, I shouldn't just stop here.

Remember that Potato friend I once wrote about a few posts back and how I once promised to write about her birthday bash but have completely left that promise still standing until now? It's time to fulfill it. For one, my fondest memory of that day would be how she Whatsapped me afterwards telling me how I've ruined the special occasion for her by screaming out loud. She said she felt touched and happy but no thanks to the call of the crazy monkey (my voice), she felt more intimidation over any form of excitement at all. I just felt like shooting myself at the time.

In a few days, she'd really be leaving this place.

I guess that at this very moment, I'm clinging onto every part of her that I could while I still could. I think my new phrase of life would have officially begun after she's left me. During the past year, I've honestly cannot remember a time when she wasn't a part of my life. Heck, there was a time when my mobile log would only be a list of her missed calls (I never answered those calls) and I've been to her house slash car before the two grandest occasions of my life when I've actually worn a dress and those evening walks and tuition sessions comprising of different teachers... Wow, thinking back, there's still more. Thanks to her, I've had free hospital visits and laid down on a bunk watching movies in my school uniform after school. I've ever had a tuition class while Skyping someone at a hospital before. The most beautiful trips I've gone with her- OBS and Penang, where I've found happiness of a rare kind called love. Somehow, anyhow, she had always been there.

And this is someone whom I've hugged less than five times... Ever before I reckon.

No, we don't see eye to eye all the time. And as I write to you, I'm in her room but we are just sharing this moment of silence between each other because we don't know what to say to each other. Here are words that I cannot say out loud:

We may be split miles apart for real now, but what you've left behind, I'd never forget.

Thank you, Potato. For truly, everything. I know that I'll miss you along with the other people whom you've touched in this place.

Sometimes, I would jab myself and wonder if I'm dreaming because I find it hard to believe that I've lived a life so rich and fulfilling before. And the wonders of life that I currently have with me, I'd kept inside my treasure box of life. The only thing is- I've to add more treasures to it.

Or else all that unused space... would be wasted away.

When everything's meant to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

Words from "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls, some of my favourite lines of lyrics.
And with that,
Thank you my treasures... If if weren't for y'all, I'd never be.

Love,
CCM.

Flights.

**********************

Jack was panting as he dragged his worn out feet up the tenth flight of stairs. Debbie was still pacing ahead.

"Debbie, I've reach my limit..." He took a breath of stale air and looked at Debbie with a pitiful gaze.
As usual, he got ignored.
"Wow... How on earth are you going to last through sex," she chimed playfully.
"HEY! That topic's completely off tangent,"Jack protested."And you'd be the last person I want to talk about this to,"
"We've only got like, a thousand steps to go, Jackie,"
"Only,"
"Yeah, only,"

Jack plunged on with all his might as to prove Debbie wrong, and to Debbie's amazement, he managed to last another two flights of stairs before puncturing, for real this time.

Debbie passed him a bottle of water and reached a out a hand to wipe off large droplets of sweat running down his red temples. Oh God, your face looks fucking red. But Jack jerked his head away from her reach and sulked like a child.

"I'm angry at you,"
"For what? Making you do something that's actually going to benefit you?"
"You know I easily get tired and all... With my problem,"
"Problem? Oh...... I sort of forgotten about that," She took a quick glance at her watch ,"We need to make it to the top in less than half an hour in order to reach our target,"
"There was never an "our", it's just your wish out of me,"

The air within the vertically tight compound turned still.

Debbie merely looked nonchalant as she turned from him and continued to jog up the stairs. She stopped midway up the next flight of stairs when she realised that Jack hadn't moved from his place since stopping. Then, Jack closed his eyes and spoke his heart for the first time:

"Hopes and dreams,
Always out of reach.
I'm tied down by my strings of fate and destiny.

I've seen a swan,
Bold and beautiful.
She danced at my feet, so rare, so exquisite...

She looks at me and gaze,
How I wish I could be just as same,
She bends and pulls me to feet.

I stand but merely stare,
as I look down upon my broken self
and watch you spread your wings......

To take flight."

Once he opened his eyes, he immediately looked up to her.

She looked stunned, but he was certain that she was also crying. Then, the latter finally spoke-

"Screw time, goals, fate, destiny and all......" She ran down to where the fallen star was "There's still hope, I know it,"
Debbie bent down to reach for Jack's sweaty palm.

"There's still enough time for us to reach the top,"

******************************